Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
