My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
