My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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