yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
