He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
