ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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