actually, I'm a sock model
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
