Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
