Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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