Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize