well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
