Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
