OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
