i already hear my dad disowning me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
