you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
