i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
