there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
