I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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