So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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