The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
