Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
