The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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