I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
