i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
