It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
