On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
