naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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