mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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