i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize