Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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