let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
