That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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