R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
