420 ftw
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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