I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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