We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
