im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize