I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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