you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
