Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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