oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
