$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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