He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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