Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
