Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
