watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
