roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
