Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize