She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
