I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
