Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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