You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
