you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
