im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
