i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
this is an emotional support booty call
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
