I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
