shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
be right there i have to get my cape
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
