Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
