Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
