sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
