loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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