well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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