Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize