Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize