just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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