he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
