I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
